"Oh Captain, my Captain"


Some suggest that Warren Harding was the worst US President in history. His speeches were once described as ‘an army of pompous phrases…in search of an idea’. But, boy, did he look presidential. Roman features, strong, manly jawline – the guy looked as if he could leap tall buildings with a single bound. Oh, no. That was the other guy. Never mind about the poker parties and bathtub gin during Prohibition, the man looked as if he could be trusted
Poor old Gordon Brown. He really never had much of a chance, did he? The man looks like an accountant, for Heaven’s sake, a bean-counter, a lackey before the generalship of nobler men. David and Nick, on the other hand, look as if they can govern a country. Something about Old Etonians, once one gets over the insufferably superior expressions, gives one a kind of, well, confidence.

They’ve all got it, these statesmen, to a greater or lesser extent, except perhaps Ahmedinajad, who always looks slightly deranged in front of a camera, that subliminally soothing air of competence, almost, but not quite, trust. Were he a doctor, you’d trust Nick Clegg’s professional competence, placing the life of your aged and much loved mother in his capable hands and, if she died, it surely wouldn’t be his fault and you’d find someone else to sue.
Tall people earn more money than short people because more people look up to them, metaphorically and literally, to run big companies. Speed daters make their minds up within a few seconds and to hell with all that stuff they wrote down about their perfect partner.
In spite of the perilously thin veneer of civilisation, we’re all gutter fighters underneath. Long ago, our very existence depended more on our unconscious, snap decision making abilities than by longwinded, reasoned argument and thus, by definition, we are the survivors.
As a small tail to wag the triumphant dog, a day or so after the party-poppers were all swept up, Johann Hari, of the Independent, the Eeyore of Fleet Street wrote..”..it looks like we are about to face years of a ConDem coalition we didn’t vote for (oh, really?) and don’t want. I hope I’m wrong (do you really, Johann..?)  and Clegg will tame the Tories, but I’m braced for this movie turning into ‘One Shotgun Wedding and a Bloody Long Funeral’ “ I can’t wait.

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