The Importance of Swimwear

Certain persons have felt it necessary to make remarks about my space management. Most of them have a certain vague ring of truth. I am, however quite distraught. In order to save weight on the aircraft, many of my possessions have been left elsewhere, including my Ralph Lauren swimming trunks, of which I was quite fond. I have therefore had to replace them, since I can hardly be expected to present myself at my fishtank of a swimming pool clad only in white Calvins. Al-Kout came to the rescue. Partially. I squirmed with indecision in the Ralph Lauren shop but eventually resisted buying a replacement pair there on the grounds that twenty seven dinars seemed too high a price to pay for poolside sartorial elegance, even for me. Instead, I went elsewhere, an inferior establishment, its only merit being that I could have had three pairs for the price of one there. My new ones do not have an efficient, masculine drawstring. Instead, a piece of Velcro plus a shoelace. The dangers are obvious. The fastener cannot be properly closed without extensive and microscopic fiddling with the two halves of the Velcro and the shoelace keeps getting caught as one tries to attach them. Nonetheless, I think the flowers are rather jolly.

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5 thoughts on “The Importance of Swimwear

  1. You object to “fluffing” but “flowers are rather jolly?”
    Idiot rips have replaced most things of masculine vintage but there are no higher numbers of unintentional nudity so I rather think your complaining is due more to forced change (and the loss of the Ralph Lauren status symbol) than the real possibility of sudden exposure of your nether regions.

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  2. Lucky you, did you know that in french public swimming pools, men are required to wear nothing else but Speedos? (imagine the polemic when muslim women wanted to wear burkini…)

    One could also object you can't match squares and flowers (your new pool tiles and your new hawaïan trunks…)
    Yes you can, as long as you are English and adopt a laidback Paul Smith attitude.
    Soon, you'll find yourself going out with a bright yellow Lacoste and a blue checkered and wrinkled “chèche”…

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  3. I am informed that yellow makes me look ill. Recently – unaccountably – I have worn it quite a lot. Can't imagine why.
    @HG – I expect you're a woman thus have no idea what Speedos do to one's 'nether regions'

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  4. Vulnerability? Where? When? Brilliant polymaths quite likely define this concept with numbers and mysterious mutterings. Not a shred of nudity, fluffing, or flowers anywhere.

    @HeartyGypsy – speedos are rarely kind to the wearer and nearly always torture to the observer. Give me a burkini any day. lol

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