Wands, Bones and Quantum Mechanics

Understanding the ‘why’ of quantum mechanics – the physics of the very small – is futile. Most are told, just use the ‘what’ – in other words,  the laws, because they work. Forget the fact that it’s irrational and unpredictable. It just works. I tell my students that the way to visualise quantum mechanics is to imagine a hundred identical boats in a harbour. A wave one metre high rolls in through the harbour mouth. What happens? A hundred boats obediently rise and fall one metre as the wave passes underneath. Quantum mechanics says, “no, this won’t happen. Instead, 99 of the boats remain exactly where they are and one of them – nobody can tell which one, rises 100m into the air.”
Ah. I think a few of us get a little bit lost at this point. But, be comforted. So do I.
I’m not sick at the moment, but have been thinking nevertheless about healing, prompting a less than rational trawl through the undergrowth of alternative healing technologies.

E pluribus, hic, ergo…All brackets mine.

“The Wheeler Wand is a quantum technology (is it, indeed…) containing a special circuit (no details, then?) that creates a Zero Point Energy beam, ( at absolute zero, perhaps…?) which is directed to different parts of the body that require an accelerated healing response. (doubtless powered by a personal nuclear power station.) This device is about seven inches long and one inch square, with the outer shell made of indestructible  plastic. (Impressive, but let’s not go there…). Zero Point Energy is the energy left over after all other energies have been removed from any physical system. In other words, Zero Point Energy is the energy behind all other energies to maintain integrity and continuity in any physical system, including the human body. (Absolute, unmitigated twaddle, drivel and fart.)  Providing zero point energy to the body is key to restoring and maintaining the highest level of health, with the Wheeler Wand the only authentic Zero Point Energy technology in the world today.”
“The source energy that runs the Wheeler Wand comes from the body itself. (batteries not included, then?) By holding the Wheeler Wand in either hand, the sensitive circuitry inside taps into Zero Point Energy and concentrates it into a beam that comes out of the treatment end of the technology. When holding the Wheeler Wand it should be pointed to those parts of the body that require healing. For those people who are sensitive to the expression of subtle energies, (ah, here’s the disclaimer, if you don’t get better you’re an insensitive armadillo and deserve to die) a heightened feeling will let a practitioner know when they are pointing at a part of the body requiring a flow of Zero Point Energy.”


This is complete scientific mumbo-jumbo. Zero-point energy is the lowest possible energy that a quantum mechanical physical system may have. Interested readers – I know that there aren’t many of you – can look here for a little physics, whereupon it should become apparent that wands of whatever manufacture are as fanciful as Harry Potter’s. Thus, claims that these devices are ‘able to heal’  are pseudoscience – at best based on a complete misunderstanding of physics, biology, and medical science – and at worst self-serving, fraudulent business practices. Such advertisements often share space with ayurvedic healing, reiki, and Buddhist philosophy. Caveat lector.

But, wait. I believe that the Creator of the Universe can mend broken bodies and souls, sometimes in quantised ways. By this, I mean that a steady, normal, rational recovery such as most of us undergo when unwell is very occasionally overturned, superseded or disassembled by what might we might term a ‘miracle’. A ‘quantum all or nothing’ event, instantaneously reconfiguring the dislocation of illness into health and wellness. Yet, there is an uncertainty, almost a randomness about the recipients. it is not necessarily  the most deserving, those why pray the most, fast the longest, give the most. God seems to roll the dice and somebody wins the jackpot, while pretty much everybody else loses.
Einstein once said – my paraphrase – “this quantum mechanics is very imposing, but I am convinced it gets us no nearer to the secret of the Old One. In any event, He does not play dice”. Perhaps Einstein was wrong – and we just haven’t figured out how the Old One rolls the quantum mechanical bones.
Note: these 20-sided dice are obtainable from http://www.thinkgeek.com Every starship should have one.

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4 thoughts on “Wands, Bones and Quantum Mechanics

  1. Oh, yes…before I forget. I quite like this one.
    “Bach flower remedies were created by Dr. Edward Bach. He thought that negative emotions were the cause of illness. He devised 38 negative feelings that people have. Dr. Bach matched a flower remedy to each of emotions. The Bach Flower remedies are each used for a different type of emotional state.”
    Excellent. Pass the hemlock.

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  2. Botanics 101 :
    It is perfectly safe to wander in a field in spring. It is very unlikely you will have to feed yourself with wild carrot soon, the closest relative to hemlock. In any case, nature has provided the carrot flower with a tiny red dot in the centre, definitely a wink from the Creator.
    Obviously, we have been offered a worldwide natural pharmacopeia (which scientists spent their time synthetising, but that would be an other debate), and this alone is more than one needs to believe.

    About the myth, nobody can tell for sure if death by hemlock is painfull or sweet, Plato's rendition of Socrates' last moments says the master remained witty to the last second…hmmm…could be the first urban legend or the addition of datura and opium…

    Next lesson, poppies and datura (and its harmless cousins : potato, tomato)

    GG (Gardening Gipsy)

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  3. It would be so lovely to help GG distinguish herself in title from that other 'Anonymous' who is so very tiresome. I almost didn't read her delightful whimsy (and what botanicals of important might I find in the sand?) because I'm not interested in “twaddle, drivel, and fart” in plants, physics, or people. (I've never owned a wand)

    Quantum physics, as you well know, escape me, however I have no doubt that upon meeting said “Old One” we will suddenly comprehend that what to us is random, miraculous, or incomprehensible is to Him, ordered, logical, and perfectly sensible. I suspect there's a fair amount we humans think chaotic or random only because our tiny minds don't have the capacity to comprehend the scope of the Designer.

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